Death of an ex-president

On this very day, Saddam is executed. No matter what Saddam did, his judges, his executers are no less guilty than he might be. He killed people without giving them a fair trial. He was killed without being given the right for a fair trial. The judge and the judged, inthis case, are no different.

I felt sad watching the sad moments of a downfall; the downfall of a human being. After all, Saddam Husain was a human being. I felt heartbroken when i witnessed how some people expressed their joy for this death forgetting that it is just another soul being taken away from its body, unfairly!!

If Saddam "deserves" death, as some would say, then for killing people as a president, then all presidents at the time of the First and Second World Wars "deserve" death for killing so many millions of innocent people, and all European kings and leaders "deserve" being executed for killing other millions while colonizing lands and conquering large masses of free people like the massacres of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. WE ARE NOT to LABEL people as war victims, civilians or soldiers... they are humans beings, pure and simple, Humans whose life and death is in God's Hands.

Saddam died. Regardless of all, a son, a husband,a father and a cousin died. Just another soul lost forever.

May he rest in peace and be forgiven!!

it happened one Fall day!!!

October 10th, 2006 18:55 TINJDAD

THIS IS AN EXTREMELY SPECIAL DAY IN MY SIMPLE LIFE.

I attended the birth of baby in a hospital. Not only DID I attend, but I helped in that magical, surreal, universally extraordinary event. Yes, I DID help with complete amazement and AWE.
Without doubt, it was THE EVENT. I wish everybody could know what happens during those very short but amazingly eternal, UNFORGETABLE moments.

I am not to describe perfectly the moments or the feelings because the whole event was and always will be too overwhelming for me to be able to describe it.

All I can say is that our mothers went through the IMPOSSIBLE. It is impossible to endure and go through what I have witnessed this very day without having a divine will and strength by their sides. They have divine power in them, indeed.

I was there and wasn't supposed to be. I went yesterday to Hammam and met this charming girl who soon opened up to me and told me about her job as a midwife, her home town, her new husband, and her life in Tinjdad as a foreigner just like me. She was super nice and I liked her and opened up to her as well. She invited me to "Ftour" (breakfast after sunset), which I happily accepted.

Right after school, I went to Hanane's (the new friend) house. She was waiting for me to show up and was glad I kept my word. We prepared "Ftour" together and talked a lot. I was enjoying every moment with her. Yet, while we were breaking our fasting at around 18:50, they called her for a new birth in the hospital. She had to go and leave me at home but then she suggested taking me with her, which I again accepted with great excitement and thrill.

We arrived to the hospital soon. The woman in labor was already waiting and ready to give birth to her second baby boy. Her name was Nawal and she was 22. I took off my djellaba and started helping Hanane in whatever she asked me to. I really did things I'd never thought I would have the chance to do. I did them with great pleasure. Nawal held my hand whenever I stood next to her. I never enjoyed holding someone's hand as much as I enjoyed Nawal's sweaty, shivering hand. I felt like crying. But I did NOT. I thought neither my friend Hanane, who was doing a great job by the way, nor Nawal, who was in great pain, needed to see me crying at those extraordinarily hard moments. Once in a while, I tried to cheer Nawal up by talking to her and asking her about her first boy's name and the name she was planning to give to the new one. She surprised me when she said she was thinking about "Abderrahman"; my favorite boy's name.

The baby's head showed up. I was totally overwhelmed, happy, surprised, afraid, with tears ready to run down my cheeks and wash out my awed face. Again, I did NOT cry. Instead, I was glorifying The Divine, The Powerful, The Greatest. I could hear myself saying "Allah Akbar" and "Subhana Allah" over and over again. That was all I could say and that anyone in this vast universe could say in that transcendent moment; The Moment.


Once relieved, Nawal hugged me tightly and I hugged her back, overwhelmed. She kissed my hand and I kissed hers back, grateful. We didn't matter the blood that covered our hands. For me, it was the purest blood; mothers' blood.

All I can say is that I am thankful to all mothers on this earth from all times. I am thankful to my mother. I apologize for all the pain I put her through, all the heartache I caused, all the late-night staying, all worries she had to suffer when I fall sick, the anxiety she endures when I am late for home, and my impatience and ingratitude as a teenager. I am thankful for all the love she is endlessly and tirelessly feeding and flooding my brother, my sister, and me with.

Thank you, MOM!! I love YOU!!

one random thought!!!!

I often asked and was asked what love really is. I didn't and couldn't get a straight answer. People all over the globe throughout time and space asked the same question. Books and pamphlets, poems and songs, dramas and comedies, myths and legends were dedicated to love, to define love, to cherish love, to glorify love. From Plato and Socrates, Shelly and Keats, to Shakespeare and Byron, Hawthorne and Milton, love has beautifully been the sole of all literatures. Love is cherished by all; the poor and the rich, the young and the old, the ruler and the ruled. No wars could make Hitler or Napoleon, Julius Caesar or Antonio stop enjoying their beloved, be it a woman or a land.

Love!
Something we all look for and hope to find. Some of us do find it while others die looking… We might wonder why there are those who don't find it. I say it is because they think they don't or can't find it. Again, we might wonder why they think so. I say because they are too superficial to see the love they already have and simply cannot see.

Love!
Something we are lucky enough to get inside our mothers' wombs, babies or grown-ups, male or female, full bodied or handicapped. How could we, then, claim that we can't find love? There is always someone somewhere in this world that loves us and feels thankful for our existence. We may or may not know who this person or these people are. It is not really important to know it, but to be able to feel their love is.

Love!
A beautiful word we all yearn to hear, to feel, to enjoy, and to own forever. For some of us love is emotional. For most of us, it is physical. Again, it is not important what it means for each of us, but to deserve it, to respect it, to sanctify it is.

Love!
We want to have it. I say we should give it to feel having it. Once we give it, we don't feel like asking for something in return. Our mothers are the living example of the unconditional love, the unselfish love, the real love. I do enjoy this love just like any other human beings in this vast universe, but considering our insatiable nature, we still keep looking and it will be always the case for our species throughout time and space.

Love!
Another word for friendship. Who doesn't have friends? Who doesn't enjoy having and being with friends? We all do. We all have the need to be heard, to be cared for, to be understood, to love and be loved. Only friends can do that. You love them for being able to, as a result.

When we LOVE, we are Loyal to our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, husbands or wives, lovers, and kids. When we love, the heart and the mind speak the same Language.
When we love, we show Obedience to whoever we love.
When we love, we feel Vigorous to be around the beloved, Valiant, Valuable, Victorious.
When we love, we give all that we got; Emotions, Eagerness, Energy, Engagement, Enjoyment, Enthusiasm, Essence, Exception, Excitement. We give it ALL, unconditionally.

You enjoy the love of family and friends. And yet.
You search the other half, the real best friend, the soul mate. You are looking or rather waiting for the one you can't say no to and you never think twice to say yes to, the one you would love to spend the rest of your life with, who knows what you are about to say and how. You are looking forward to the person who, when absent even for moments, makes you wonder what keeps him or her away, who can easily make you laugh and cry too, whose life and yours are complementary but also independent, who always feels proud of everything you are, who has great respect for you, whose company is very enjoyable, exciting, exceptional, and emotional, for whom loyalty is a duty own to the beloved, and love is the only real language.

here we go again!!!

It is been such a long time I haven't posted anything or even checked my blogger. Well, I did not do that on purpose!
During my absence on this space, I have been quite busy or rather taken by other matter in life; matters that have changed the course of my life.
The last time I've used my blogger, I was in my old house living with my old room mate who was one of the most bizarre experiences of my life. She changed much of my way of way of thinking, attitudes, and reactions. I am not the person I used to be. I changed for the better I think, I hope.
We lived together for more than a year and I had to cope with her as much as I can. Unlike what I expected and what everybody around me expected too I coped much more than what my simple character could ever do and put up with that complete stranger. I am more patient, much more decisive, and much less defensive.
Ramadan was one tough stage in my life. I had to cope more than ever with the worst of all evils; solitude. The first half of this supposedly good month was nothing but a trial to survive. The second month, however, was the total opposite. Instead of finding one company, I had two. Losing one friend got me two. I met them by mere chance even though I don’t believe in chance anymore. I rather prefer to believe that it's His glory, His mercy, and His unlimited compassion.
Since then, my life simply changed. Lately, I moved with my new friends, with whom life has become much easier and Tinjdad has definitely become "brighter" and much more fun to live in. what can I say? Thank God!!

To Aura Wade!

One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
-- Elizabeth Bishop

Lefties of the world, Unite!!

To my surprise, i found out on yahoo.com that today is the Lefties Day.
Isn't it a great thing? well, if you are not lefty, then you wouldn't find it that great. As a left-handed, i find it even the greatest thing that can happen to the left-handed "community". Recognition!! That is the word!
Being left handed has always been an issue in my life. A serious one!!
When i was a little girl, dad used to tell me that only bright poeple are left-handed. i still remember his encouragement to me and my brother (left-handed too).i didn't understand then why he insisted on encouraging us, but when we went to school, i realized what he meant by that.
The world out there just did not know what left handedness is about.
Or maybe they did, but in the wrong way!! There were some teachers who admired my left-handedness as if it was an extraodinary attribute to human beings. Others just couldn't grasp it, and treated me as an "alien". Well, i don't want to be treated as an extreme, neither positively nor negatively.
Once, when my islamic studies realized that i am left-handed, he started yelling at me. yes, yelling at me and another friend of mine who was as "unlucky" as i was to be a lefty.the teacher said a lot of nasty things about us, like being Satan's "associates", mentally ad physically sick. He simply kicked us out of fear to "contaminate" him. i was 14, then.
Since my childhood, i had to cope with using instruments, at school, playing sports,or in the kitchen. Now i can use these tools way better with my right hand than with my left one. But there are a lot of things i can NOT do but with my left hand and I feel comfortable with it.
I am absolutely proud of being one lefty among all the leftieS of this world. It does no harm and there is absolutely NO wrong with it. My brother Simo,my sister (she's ambidextrous), my aunt, 4 of my cousins and other relatives are all left-handed.You can say that it is weird, but it just makes me happy and more confident about it.
A lot of my friends are left handed too, and a lot of the celebrities and famous histroy figures that i admire.
I AM different. We all are, in one way or another.

Beloved!

I have just finshed "Beloved", a novel by Toni Morrison. i think it is one of the greatest books i ever read about the Black Americans and the Slavery issue. it is very well-written and ideas are so well-interwoven that i could follow each idea even though there is a great number of them. this is an opportunity to talk about my life passion: reading.
it is my life passion. i learn through reading. i travel through reading. i meet new and different characters and people through reading.i use my imagination so damn well thanks to reading. i write whatever and whenver i feel like writing thanks to reading. i cried because of reading. i was shocked by different situations and different attitudes toward life because of reading. i grew up to be a woman who can think, talk, argue, fight, love, accept, refuse, say yes and means yes, say no and means no, imagine the unimaginable, do the possible, and challenge the impossible because of, thanks to, and through reading.
In short, i love reading!!

In tinjdad, unlike anytime before i read a hell load of VERY interesting books, i never thought of having the chance to read,thanks to my friends.
my favorite books iread in tinjdad are:

Ishmael Daniel Quinn
To The Lighthouse Virginia Woolf
Under the Banner of Heaven Jon Krauker
The History of Love Nicole Krauss
The kiterunner Khaled Hussain
Memoirs of a Geisha Arthur Golden
One hundred years of Solitude Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Everything is Illuminated Jonathan safran Foer

....and the list is long

these books and many many others contributed and are still contributing in my journey of life and they always will.

Tinjdad

this is Tinjdad. A small town surrounded by old palm trees and some alfalfa gardens. i don't love tinjdad but i don't hate it either!

visitors in tinjdad

At the begining of this month, some members of my family came to visit me in tinjdad,my work town. there was mom, my sister, my mom's young sister, and my cousin who is a teacher in primary school.
No one of them has ever been to the south of morocco. so it's been a totally new experience for them, especially to my sister who is not that used to being away from home and traveling.
anyway, they arrived to tinjdad at 4.30 in the afternoon of a scorching sunday.they looked pretty exhausted and shocked by the distance that actually exists between home and where i work.
i wanted them to go through it all for them to see how hard it has been for me to be that far from home.
when they got to my house i felt incredibly happy to feel their presence in the same place where i had to spend full ten months by myself. well, there were few friends around me but not for along time, sadly!!

we visited some acquaintances who welcomed my family into their houses. we went to palm oasis of tinjdad, went hiking up tinjdad mountain, which was so much fun with family. we visited tinghir, a town 54km away from tinjdad. they super liked it. i like it too but they seemed to enjoy to more than i ever did. they did a lot of shopping there and liked the well-mannered way shop keepers deal with their customers. however, what was much much more stunning to them was Les Gorges de Todra, high mountains with a river through them 14 km away from Tinghir. they simply fell in love with that place to the point that they did not want to come back to tinjdad :)

we had fun taking pictures, and exploring the incredible heights of those glorious mountains, and some of the caves that exist there. it was breath taking. it's always been so everytime i go there. there are also some beautiful oasis in tinghir that are worth stopping for and admiring for some time.
Sadly, my family couldn't stay for a long time though i wanted them to.
but i know i'll go back home in a week from now and things will be just fine.

one thing i really wished at those happy moments is to have my friends: Layla, Aura, and Najiya or at least one of them with me to share it all. oh well!!

Granny!

my grandmother insisted on learning how to have an online conversation. she wanted to talk to her beloved youngest son who lives and works in Italy.

P.S: my grandmother was TOTALLY illiterate before she got married to my gandpa but her kids taught how to read Arabic and use numbers.
i bet the next thing she wants to do is to be on board the next Apollo:)

Go grandma!! you ROCK, girl!!

family pic

This is my brother Simo with the cutest cousins we've ever had:Imane (faith)and Zainab (meaning unknown!!)they were born and live in Modena, Italy.
they are my favorite!!!

My Aura!

This is a picture of me and my best friend Aura from Seattle.we were in a language camp in errachidia during April.we had great fun together and with other american and moroccan friends.
on this day, we were preparing for the American Day during camp.it was so much fun.we played different types of music and dances. The americans were beautifully wild that day :)
you rock guys!